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Friday, July 07, 2006
Mona Charen :: Townhall.com Columnist
From the high school frontlines in the culture war
by Mona Charen
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A parent from Plymouth, N.Y., has sent along another example of liberals gone wild. Fishing through her son's backpack (he's a ninth grader), she found a crumpled up handout from the health teacher. The title caught her attention: "Dysfunctional 'Family Rules.'" The handout is reproduced below with punctuation, grammar and capitalization as in original:

"Here is a list of some of the unworkable rules found in dysfunctional families

"Boys shouldn't cry. (they should be like diminutive adult males, independent, self contained, and tough. they should bear pain and hurt with a kind of stoicism and emotional flatness exemplified by rugged males in cigarette commercials and by romantic depictions of fighters and the wild, wild west.)

"Girls should always be nice. (Talk nice talk. Never say anything negative. Do nice things. Never do anything that would make someone look askance at you. Nice girls DON'T.)

"Elders always deserve respect and come first. (No matter how the elder behaves, the elder must be treated gingerly, for and elder has power -- even if it used capriciously and irrationally.)

"There is only one way to do things. (That is, there's only one RIGHT way to do things. There's only one right way to handle a spouse, to deal with the kids, to have a birthday party, to dance . . .)

"Don't talk, think or feel about sex, money, and feelings. (Talk . . . well, talk stirs things up, gets people upset, well it just causes more trouble. When it comes to sex, money and feelings, silence takes on a precious eloquence. Silence is not only golden, it's high grade platinum.)

"Work first, play later. (Much later . . .) Continued...
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About The Author
Mona Charen is a syndicated columnist, political analyst and author of Do-Gooders: How Liberals Hurt Those They Claim to Help .
 
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Reply # 1
Date: Jul 27, 2006 - 7:03 PM EST
Subject: Part right, part wrong
When I read through the teacher's description of a dysfunctional family, I thought she was partly off. Some of the things she describes about males being expected to "suck it up" and not express emotions, except for anger, and females being expected to just act nice, I think are just cultural, and are not part of dysfunctional family dynamics. She was part right in saying that dysfunctional families don't talk about problems, especially to others. Everyone is expected to keep up a nice front, because they're ashamed of anyone thinking they have problems. The teacher is also right in saying that in dysfunctional families the children are never allowed to make up their own minds or make their own decisions--part of learning responsibility. Instead they are treated as passive blank slates who are "written upon" by their parents. I don't think she meant that parents shouldn't be respected, though it kind of came out that way.

The main characteristics of dysfunctional families is that no one is allowed to be themselves, within appropriate limits. Further, there's no concept of personal boundaries. As a consequence the environment becomes about power, and a pecking order, not about growing up and developing a healthy sense of self, and relating to others. In short, it's an anti-social environment, and it doesn't allow children to grow up emotionally as they mature physically and mentally.

I don't think it's necessarily bad for dysfunctional family dynamics to be broached, but I wonder where this health teacher would go with it. I know people who grew up in dysfunctional families and spent years going through psychological therapy to "reprogram" themselves so they felt comfortable in their own skin. I don't know. I just wonder if it's appropriate for a high school teacher, whose students are still under their parents' care, to bring up this subject. Once they're identified as being in a dysfunctional family, what are the students expected to do about it? In reality they can't do much of anything until they get out on their own.

I agree it's apparent the teacher has a liberal bias. She apparently thinks that traditional ways for males and females to act in this country are "dysfunctional".
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Reply # 2
Date: Jul 26, 2006 - 12:59 PM EST
Public Schools: A jobs program
Another example of the schools being a jobs program. Most of the liberal posts do not get it:
Parents do not want the schools in the business of teaching new age ethics and mores especially when they conflict with the conventions of most families. Stick to the 3 R's. The problem is many/most of the public school teachers are not capable of ably teaching the basics. The stats show most educators graduate at the lower 1/4 of their class and most are fixated on the time off versus the profession. Sit in your public school classes--you will be amazed at the ingnorance, chaos, lack or organization ON THE PART OF TEACHERS
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